Daily repentance

One last principle I wanted to highlight that has brought me closer to Christ is daily repentance.

On a recent trip, my sister and I talked about daily repentance. It made me reflect on my what repentance looks like for me, and I wanted to have a written record of my thoughts.

Several years ago during General Conference, the Lord instructed me to learn about forgiving myself. It was not something I was even aware of that I needed to work on, but throughout that year He taught me how to forgive myself. 

In addition, a few years ago the Lord helped me increase my self esteem by learning more about my identity as a child of God, among other things. Both of these things, self worth and learning to forgive yourself, I feel were foundational to helping me better understand repentance and daily repentance.

One of the biggest quotes that has changed how I see repentance comes from Elder Holland:

"It takes exactly as long to repent as it takes you to say “I’ll change”—and mean it."

I had always thought of repentance as a long, drawn-out process, a list of steps starting with recognizing sin and feeling godly sorrow. I felt like I was stuck in the "godly sorrow" part and therefore not progressing-- and needing to repent for not fully repenting! But this quote helped me understand that repentance means change. Repentance deals with the condition of our heart rather than perhaps the following of rules. I'm not suggesting you don't need to follow commandments, simply that if you are focusing on rule-breaking you are looking beyond the relationship you have with Jesus Christ to something that is detached from his love entirely. Your relationship with Jesus Christ is why you keep commandments, they do not exist just for the sake of existing. Therefore, a "breaking" of a commandment should be seen as setting back your relationship and the closeness you feel with your loving older brother rather than simply a "no no."

At baptism, we made covenants that said we wanted to His. We said we wanted to be on the Lord's "team." We wanted to witness for Him at all times, and in all places, and in all things. The question you can be asking yourself is, what did I do today that was not in line with that? What actions or thoughts did I have today that were not in congruence with a disciple of Jesus Christ?

I have also found daily repentance to be a lot more effective not as an end of the day check, but a constant check. An hourly check, a morning and an afternoon check. This is not to be meticulous, but because repentance is so much more effective in the very moment you sin. The very moment after you think an unkind thought, or scream at one of your kids. The moment you reflect on a conversation, and realize you had been gossipping about a friend. The moment you realize you probably should not have read that, or listened to that, or watched that. When repentance means change, it means closing that gap between you and your Father in Heaven back to what it was before the Spirit left you. It means turning again to someone you love and want to emulate.

What are you to do for sins you don't know you're committing? What if you look at a list of the covenants you've made, and decide you are failing at all of them? What if you get to the end of the day and realize there's so much you could be doing but you are not? The Lord does not ask us to run faster than we have strength. Certainly, we all have much we need to do to become like Jesus Christ. Let him be in charge of your learning and growth. Listen to his whisperings as to what should be your priorities. Then, line upon line, you will grow to become like Him.

So what is one to do for reoccurring sins? Things you do every single day, or can't seem to quit? How do you repent sincerely of something you know you will do again and again? How do you repent of sins that are a weakness of yours-- you always seem to be wasting time, or sleeping in rather than reading your scriptures, or whatever? The Lord certainly looks on weakness differently than sin (see Elder Renlund)-- but He also doesn't intend to leave you as you are (see Elder Holland). I have found in my life that there is still a lot you can do to aid in repenting of things you can't stop doing. 

The Lord desperately wants to help you! You. are. his. He knows how to heal you, and He knows how to fix you. He wants you to turn to him and say, "I just cannot figure out how to stop wasting time. What ideas do you have for me?" He has a lot of ideas! I have also found that the more I learn from the scriptures and therefore the stronger my testimony gets because of it, the way some of those things really start to go by the wayside. Your priorities shift the more you learn and understand about Jesus Christ. In addition, he can inspire you to people you can talk to, therapists, friends, leaders, resources you can read and watch, mental and emotional steps you can take to learn why you are stuck in some of the habits you are. He loves you! And he doesn't want you to fail, he wants you to succeed gloriously (see Elder Scott). 

I am blown away I am that we even have the gift of repentance, and I just want to close with how wonderful it is that we have an hourly avenue to return to our Heavenly Father! We have access to His spirit, His love and approval daily as we repent and turn to Him! It is not a gift I take lightly and I am so grateful for it!