Mental Notes from Christmas 2023

Christmas is a big undertaking for the mom! Some years I like to write myself notes to remember what I liked about what we did this year.

Presents

Wrapped presents under the tree. You might know that we do 1 present for each person at Christmas. Well we've always had a budget for each kid ($50/kid), and as my kids have gotten older and I fall way too much on the practical side, the kids pick out what they want in the budget. So sometimes there would be several presents in one box. I love that you can change and adapt as time goes on. One of the kids suggested it and so I decided this year to just wrap the gifts individually so we would have wrapped gifts under the tree (since we only did one present, I would wait and the presents would magically arrive on Christmas morning). The kids were really excited about the prospect and I didn't make sure they had the same number of gifts or anything, just wrapped up the things they had budgeted for. My kids are old enough and we've never done a lot of presents so they don't care about the number of gifts under the tree. 

Wrapping Grandma's gift. In addition, Ben's mom gives the kids $25/each every Christmas, in the form of a Target gift card that I would put under the tree. But this year she asked that we use the money before Christmas so they would have the gift under the tree. So they ended up having $75 to spend. Some kids opted for a bigger Lego set, other kids got more stuff. 

The best wrapping paper ever. I really, really love shiny wrapping paper and pretty presents and I bought the most beautiful gift wrapping stuff from Rifle Paper Co. and it was so fun to admire it for a lot longer than the one night like we used to do. Now the presents were under the tree for several weeks, sparkling in the light and looking beautiful. Presents I feel like are like eating "you eat with your eyes first" and I just love a beautifully wrapped present. When you do less presents, it makes sense that the ones you do have look very beautiful. The beauty adds to the anticipation and creates a lot of joy in the gift-giving experience.

When to buy presents. Last year I bought the presents before Halloween, but this year since I was working full time in the fall I just had no time so I waited until Black Friday/Cyber Monday. I think I actually ended up saving money by waiting until then. You really have to buy them that weekend and not any later so then they can be wrapped and under the tree in a safe amount of time.

When to wrap presents. Since we had wrapped presents under the tree, I wrapped them pretty early the 1st or 2nd week of December. Even though my kids are older, it was still a little early and they were messing with them and I decided next year to wait until the 2nd or 3rd week so they don't mess with them so much. I also liked having the presents under there because it helped me see how much we had and a good visual reminder that less is more. If there are so many presents they don't fit under the tree, that is excess you don't need in my opinion. 

Stockings are for something to do. The only gift I do put stipulations on is the stocking gift has to be some kind of craft or something to do. I don't like for the gift opening to be over and the kid has nothing to do after it's done (like if they wanted shoes as their present or something). I don't try to "fill" stockings and there's only one present (which sometimes doesn't fit in there) and some candy. Stocking presents are usually cheap and I don't include them in their gift amount. Our stockings are simple and not full! Free yourself from society's expectations and stress and money spent that for many families is the norm at Christmastime. Along those lines, just because you've always done something a certain way doesn't mean you need to keep doing it. People will get used to it eventually, it's ok to change!

Kid-to-kid gifts. In the past my kids have gotten each other presents and I have facilitated it by giving them more opportunities to earn money in December (different amounts for putting their backpack away or making their bed or whatever). But this year since we had the additional $25 gift from Grandma under the tree, it already felt like each kid had enough and I had done as much shopping as I wanted to do. While it's sweet they want to get each other presents, it's ultimately my money and my time that gets squeezed because of it. So this year I told them I had already spent as much money as I would like, and if they wanted to get their sibling something it would have to be something from home. It worked out great and several siblings still gifted each other things. These gifts they wrap up and put under the "kid tree" upstairs and unwrap on Christmas Eve. It's so sweet and from the heart-- none of them actually care if it's from the store, and they are elated to get the other kids' Legos or favorite stuffed animal. 

Gifts to parents or other family members. We don't pick names for our kids' sibling gifts or make them get something for their parents or grandparents or cousins, etc. In general I think gifts are overdone at Christmas and add to the stress and running around that can make people overwhelmed during the holidays. You can love someone and not get them a gift!

Other things that have helped me this Christmas

You don't have to get it for Christmas. One thing that I often remind myself and is helpful to remember at this time of year is that just because I think of a great idea for a gift or a toy or whatever, it doesn't mean I have to get it for Christmas. As a middle class American, I am blessed that there are plenty of other occasions besides Christmas where I might need an activity or birthday present or game or Easter gift or some other thing like that. I usually add it to my Amazon cart "for later" section, and then I have lots of ideas for other things. It really cuts down on the spending when you remember all you need is SOMEthing for Christmas, not EVERYthing.

You don't have to remember everyone. Along the same vein, it's really helpful for me to remember that you don't need to feel obligated to remember everyone at Christmas. Maybe it's common to give a gift because someone else has given you one, or to "thank" everyone you know by remembering to give them something at Christmas. But you know what? Those people are there all year long! And it might even serve them better to have some of that "thanks" spread out rather than all jammed into December. And you don't need to return the favor for everyone that has given you something. Christmas can and should be a sincere holiday where we give from our hearts, and not because we feel obligated to. If it would make your life more stressful or you simply don't have time this year, just don't do it!! This is a season of PEACE, not socially obligated stress.

Presents are just for wants. I don't try to follow any kind of "something to read, something you need" etc. I don't wrap up socks or put new underwear in their stockings. Even if it's something they need like a new pair of jeans or something I would regularly just buy them when they need it, I don't make it a present. Presents are strictly for wants. This also cuts down on the presents, wrapping, and shopping. They just get a few wants and that's all that's under the tree. It keeps it simple and minimal.

Traditions don't have to be every year. It's nice to remember that something can be a tradition even if it doesn't happen every year. This year I didn't end up doing Christmas cards even though I usually do. We like to go and look and Christmas lights on Sunday nights and only did it twice this year. It's ok!

Advent calendars. We tried out a chocolate advent calendar this year at Delaney's request and it caused a LOT of drama. Who's turn was it to open it, so-and-so ate my chocolate, etc. I know my sister does an advent calendar and then has extra candy so everybody can have a piece everyday, but I don't think I could handle having extra candy around my house all the time. Anybody have a good way to do it? 

Neighbor gifts/treat plates. We live in a place where we never get anything from our neighbors or people at church. I guess that's weird, but it's just the norm around here. So when we do treat plates, we just do our two immediate neighbors. I like to do treat plates-- there are some treats that I ONLY make at Christmastime that add to the specialness of the season. My girls and I also like to bake. If it feels like a chore, I don't do it. This year we ended up doing everything that was on our last year's treat plates minus the homemade caramels. I will make one treat a day the week leading up to Christmas. I like doing it this way because then there aren't treats everywhere all December, and I don't have to have a huge baking day. Then the Sunday before Christmas we take all of the treat plates to church and hand them out until they are gone, and save two plates for our neighbors that we deliver on Christmas Eve. This way we get to enjoy our special Christmas treats, but we don't have to feel sick from overeating because we give 99% of it away. 

Decorating

When to decorate. Christmas decorating can be stressful and overwhelming. One thing that helps me is to remember you don't have to decorate it all in one day. When Thanksgiving is over and you start pulling out all the boxes, you just think when am I going to have time to do all of this and go through all of these boxes? It was really nice to do one thing a day-- one day the Christmas tree, or the next day the mantle, slowly pull out decorations as I would get to it and the kids loved discovering new decorations out every day.

Live Christmas trees are easier. Live Christmas trees are easier to decorate. I always grew up with a fake Christmas tree, but real trees have really grown on me. They are so BEAUTIFUL! And it's so nice because there's no fluffing of branches or anything! I always hated that part, and it was always hard to make it look nice. Real trees look nice without even trying, all you do is decorate it. You don't have to store it or try to stuff it in a box. I also think that pre-lit trees are easier but I actually don't like the way they look. I like TONS of lights, that's my favorite. You wrap the lights around individual branches. Our fake tree has become "the kids tree" and they can just do with it what they want. We also put all the nostalgic and random ornaments on the kids' tree so my tree gets to just look pretty. Even the kids agree, they like the way it looks. 

Pick a spot to decorate. I was listening to Dave Ramsey's daughter and she was saying when she moved in to her new house, she saved up one year and bought ALL of her Christmas decorations and now she doesn't spend money on decorating at Christmas. I want to do something similar. Living in an unfinished house, I really don't try very hard to decorate (even though I love interior design). My sister gave me some good advice to pick a space that is not going to change much, and just give myself permission to buy Christmas stuff to decorate that space. It ended up looking so beautiful and my whole family appreciated it. It was my favorite at the end of the day to sit in a dimmed room with all the Christmas lights shining. It brought me a lot of joy. 

Christ-centered

Names of Christ ornaments and Come Follow Me. I felt like we didn't do as well on this as we have in the past. In the past, we've put a different ornament on the tree each night with a different name of Christ and read a little bit about it. But this year, Gretchen was playing with those ornaments early on and they were lost for a while before we finally found them. Then it was difficult to find time to do it, because normally it is hard to even find time to do Come Follow Me, especially in the busy month of December. I also really wish Come Follow Me was ALL Christmas the entire month of December. It was a little distracting thinking about Revelation when the whole month I wanted to be studying about Jesus. Especially this year, it would have been nice to spend the month of December reviewing what we had learned about the life of Christ over the past year studying the New Testament. That would have made our evening Come Follow Me devotionals contribute more to the spirit of Christmas.

New Testament Reader. Every day when I drive the boys to school, I read them out of one of the scripture picture readers the church puts out while we are waiting in line. After Thanksgiving I always switch to the New Testament Reader no matter what we were reading previously (we usually just cycle through the four different ones). It really does help bring the Christmas spirit and help us remember Christ during His season.

Serving at Christmas. Sometimes as a middle class American, you feel overwhelmed with all of the needs you COULD be helping with at Christmastime. There's so much service you can do, organizations you can be involved in, others you could serve and remember and make feel loved at Christmastime. While we were in the temple a few weeks ago and I was praying about this and got the sweetest answer. Do the service you already have planned with your whole heart. I had the thought of the widow's mite, who although she gave little, it was "more than those who gave more" because she gave her all. This is what the Lord was trying to teach me. You don't have to do ALL the things, but what you are asked to give-- to the young women, to your family, whoever else you are nudged to give to-- give to them with all your heart and that is enough.

Christmas spirit. Last year I wrote about how I learned to see the Christmas spirit as the spirit of Christ, and how that allowed me to see secular traditions as gifts to feel Christ's joy. We're still not big Santa people and all of that, but instead of feeling like everything secular and commercial as pulling us away from Christ's spirit, I am able to see that these can be avenues to feeling love, joy, and togetherness. It's made it so I'm less judgmental at Christmastime, more accepting of others, and able to feel more joy in more circumstances rather than trying to make everything religious or overtly about Jesus. The Christmas spirit is truly unique, a gift to all people that we can bask in in any circumstance throughout the season. 

Joy. It has also been settling into my heart what a gift joy is. While the Christmas spirit is fleeting, the joy available through Christ never goes away, and it's something we are privileged to feel that many others have very little experience with. What a gift is Christ's joy, like Midas' touch turning to gold every Christmas festivity and evening at home and filling it with love and enduring joy.

Thinking about Christ by Christmas tree. I tried to take Elder Christopherson's advice to spend an hour thinking about the wonder and majesty of Jesus Christ. I remember reading this suggestion-- "Be still and think about Christ for an hour, maybe more" and being so surprised! An entire hour of quiet? And only thinking about one thing for an hour or even more?? In our modern age, this is definitely a lost skill! Even 30 seconds of stillness, focused on Christ, feels like a feat. But one evening while Ben was putting the kids to bed (bless him!!!), I just sat there in the glow of the Christmas lights, thinking about how magnificent our Savior is, his many attributes and divine qualities that make Him both an incredible intimate friend and a God. What a gift it is to worship him in my life, and participate in His season that brings so much peace and joy.