Parenting big emotions
Sometimes my kids say things that startle me and I don't know how to respond.
"I'm a horrible person and I'll never get any better at this!"
"I don't have any friends! Nobody likes me! And here's proof!"
"I don't like the way I look."
"Why do we believe ____? It doesn't make sense to me."
These are just a few from off the top of my head, but there are more where they say something that is shocking, or maybe tap into something I myself have felt and still don't know the answer to.
Since my kids are getting older I'm starting to understand that this is part of growing up, as they feel more things and think about different things. When it first started happening it terrified me and I didn't want anything to do with it.
But as I've thought about it, I've come to realize that I should hope that they will come to me with these thoughts.
-I need to be a safe place where they can share anything they are feeling.
-How horrible would it be to HAVE these thoughts and not have anyone there to help you combat them?
-What is a mom for if not a person where you can be completely yourself? Someone who can listen to anything you might be thinking and feeling, even your bad ones.
-You want your kids to be completely honest with you. How much worse would it make you feel if you found out later your kids were having these thoughts, but they never felt safe enough with you to let you know how they really feel?
I've been learning that when I respond, I need to remember:
-It's so important for kids to talk through these things, and not be dismissed or stuffed under the rug, "Oh you don't really mean that." People want, NEED to be heard, and if I am not willing to listen, they will find someone else who will. And there's no telling who that person might be or what kind of lies they might fill their head with instead.
-It's important for them to know that they are not the first ones who've ever thought that.
-It's important for them to know that they are in control of their mind and what comes in. It's important to know that if you think it, you'll live it. No amount of primping will change your mind if you've already decided that you aren't pretty.
-It's important to know that not every thought that comes into your mind is true. Satan is the Father of lies, and His favorite place to plant lies is in your mind. His favorite lies are ones about who you are. You are not a horrible person. You are not unlikable. You are not ugly. Those are Satan's thoughts, not yours. The lies he plants in your head about yourself cannot change your divine identity, and they absolutely are not founded in Truth.
-It's important for me to not be so shocked when my kid says something outrageous and shy away from it because it makes me uncomfortable. They need help and I can provide it. Even when I'm not sure how to help or think the same things and don't know the answers myself, it's important for me to be there, to make it so they are not alone with these thoughts.
I think, especially in the world our kids are growing up in, they are going to ask us a lot of hard questions and make a lot of assumptions that aren't true. We can decide to recognize it's part of growing, not freak out, and be glad for the opportunity to combat these thoughts in our own home and in a safe environment, with a spirit of love.
